Purpose

I've started this post several times before this. It's hard to put into words the feeling of leaving your babies across the world. Well, technically, they were never my babies but some part of me, something inside me says they were. I knew coming home was never going to be easy, its just that no one prepared me for the feeling of never wanting to get out of bed or get out of my pajamas. Or the feeling that the first thing I'm doing as I come home, is waiting to hear when funeral arrangements are taking place for a dear friend of mine. Or the feeling that seeing people when I go home to Portland scares me. How do I explain what I did, what I saw, or what I felt? Sure there are things that I missed like, showers with hot water, sleep, paying in dollars, the water, Pam, stove-tops that worked, the fresh air. But I just miss the hearts involved in my journey. The babies singing and dancing, teaching a baby to sit up on it's own, knowing what they need when they cry, reading the morning devotional to the staff, all the hugs, the laughter, and the love that I felt.

Deep down, I know that it's not about the place I'm in but about my heart. God has given me a heart for people, for babies, for the homeless, for the special needs population, for friends, family, and ultimately for Him. God, may you use this time to fulfill your purposes in my life.

Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. -Colossians 3:17

A sense of security

I got to ride the new Gautrain (pronounced How-train) to Pretoria with Kati. We explored the aquarium and the zoo and saw all sorts of animals there, including hundreds of daycare kids (no joke, hundreds). Note to self: avoid the zoo on field-trip Fridays. We also got a taste of the poverty, the high security, and the lack of restaurants besides KFC. All in all, we had a wonderful time but we feel much safer and secure in Joburg despite it's reputation as the "crime capital". Nina and I are convinced if the nation took down all the walls, fencing, and barbed wire, there really wouldn't be much more crime than any other place. What does it really mean to be secure? I mean, I don't feel any safer having to press a button to open three electronic fences just to park my car. In fact, it makes me more nervous thinking I need these things to have that false sense of security. I just wish we knew our neighbors on the other side of that 6 foot wall better. I have this vision of our kids playing with the neighbor kids and their kids jumping on our trampoline freely, without fear of being abducted. Perhaps heaven will have no fences.

Today, on my 2nd day off, I accompanied Amy (the house mom for child haven) to a funeral in Soweto. It was for the 22 year old brother of two of our kids. He was HIV/AIDS positive and has been sick for a long time refusing to take any ARVs. The funeral took place in front of their humble sized house. When they asked for a friend to pay tribute, no one spoke up. There were no parents and no siblings besides the 2 that we brought. Most of the people showed up to help cover the grave so that they would receive food after the ceremony. It broke my heart to see. There must have been 20+ new graves just for that day. If they are lucky enough or if the family has enough money at the time, they will receive a headstone for the tomb. If not, its a mound of dirt. His was a mound of dirt with a few fake flowers on top.

"She doesn't know what she's missing..."

This is what the social worker had to say about the mom of the baby we received today. And I wholeheartedly agree. The little cutie-patooty is plus/minus 5 months old and super charming. His mother has been known for abandoning him at local daycares for weeks at a time. She is a prostitute herself and most likely using the money to fuel her drug habits. Now that he is in our care, the mother has 6 months to get her life back together or else they will begin the process of severing her rights. I highly doubt he will be going back. When the auntie was given a chance to take him, her response was unfortunately: "just get him out of here. I don't care where you put him, I don't want to know anymore". I pray that the process for putting him up for adoption goes smoothly and that he can find that family that also loves him to pieces.

Also, good news! Baby T is officially being adopted by a mom who has waited 50 years for her very own baby. She is a nurse (woot woot!) and is absolutely wonderful! She comes to visit him once a week until he gets to join his forever family on September 26. Last visit, she walked in and told him "Mummy's here!" It's so great to have these reminders because this is what the Havens are about. As much as we love these babies to pieces, we know that we play only a small temporary part in the plan God has in store for them.

Baby J is working so hard to get up on all 4's and begin crawling. He is our over-achiever around here, although he is about on target with an American baby. We got word that he will also be able to join his family by the end of the month, granted the court keeps up their end of the bargain.

Tummy time is always more enjoyable when supplemented with some Vit D

Sunday's best picked out by me!

The I found mommy and daddy smile!

We love the sun!

This is what happens to me by the end of the day too!

All smiles in our summer outfits

It's a boy! Our newest addition Baby S

He know's he found a good place for now

As for me, 1 week left here at the Havens. It's a strange feeling knowing my time is already coming to an end and not knowing if I will ever see these people again. There are so many unfinished stories, I cannot even begin to think about saying goodbye. Even with all the devastating stories I've read, heard, and experienced, it would be a mistake to overlook the joy and grace that is present here in South Africa. I have seen so much, experienced so much, and grown so much. I've had times of being so frustrated, so sick, and so disappointed yet when I look back over my time, those are never the memories that stick out to me. Instead, I am overwhelmed by the love I have received by so so so many people here. I cannot describe what it's like to hear "that baby is the product of rape" or to even wake up to the sound of the homeless working through the trash bins outside your window on garbage day. However, by daybreak, the birds are always singing and the sun is always shining. God's grace on His people is evident here in Joburg and I can't help but long for this experience to never end. Perhaps God is not finished with me yet. I have to leave my heart open at least because that's the only way I will be able to say goodbye when the time comes.

Untamed beauty

Here are a few of the pictures I captured from the Lion and Rhino Park I visited last weekend:

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Happy Spring Day! Wait a minute...it's Sept....

 We officially celebrated Spring Day yesterday and unlike back at home, it was sunny with a high of 75. That's right all you Oregonians and Seattlites, blue skies is exactly what I enjoyed.  Apparently, I was told that today is "Casual Day" meaning everyone wears their Springbok jerseys for the Rugby and the nice ladies at the checkout sell you a sticker for 10 rand (about $1.50). Around here, people really get into the national holidays.




This week I was able to visit another haven called Adler Haven. It's run by a South African couple with 6 babies between 12 months and 20 months. Things were mighty different than what I was used to at Baby Haven. There is a strong sense that the kids raise themselves. And, the house better be clean if I see you playing with the kids. Oh and the number one rule: the men are always served first in front of the t.v. with a platter (no joke and for some reason ). Once when Kati (the German volunteer like me) and I poured some juice for dinner after asking permission, we were told to pour some out of our glasses because her husband had not been served yet. That night, the husband told us that we were "loving and hugging" the babies too much. Haha. If their only complaint is that we are loving the babies too much, then so be it. We are those crazy international volunteers that are teaching these babies to love and be loved if only for a week.



Besides the clash with the adults, the babies were absolutely precious. It's official, a 2 year old HIV positive baby has my heart. There was also a special needs baby there and sheesh, I think he has a part of my heart too. He is paralyzed on his left side and developmentally delayed because his mother used drugs during her pregnancy.

While I was at Adler, I also visited what is known as a Place of Safety, where I got to meet 7 more babies including my first white baby, She is adopted and joining her new forever family on Friday. Outside of this building, you can literally find a box (similar to a mailbox) where mother's will leave their babies. As soon as the baby is set inside, it sets off a sensor alerting the staff that a baby has been brought. You may think this is crazy, but after the countless stories of babies being abandoned in buckets, thrown in trash bins, or buried alive, you wouldn't think this is such a bad idea. To be quite honest, there are going to be abandoned babies so we might as well offer a resource for mothers to leave their babies in better hands.

Me at the Place of Safety with one of the girls. She had such a beautiful smile and personality. I hope she finds a home soon!

The "baby basket" that I mentioned.

I took an empty bubble container inside and one of the staff told me "we don't have anything to make bubbles". I asked her if she had dish soap and she said "oh yea" to which I replied, "this is all I need". Homemade bubbles can be a wondrous source of entertainment for kids who hardly know how to play.

The young boy with many disabilities. Here I am teaching him how to stand tall. Such a champ!

Pajama party!

I was wearing as much food as he was by the time we finished.

Having a blast on the one and only swing that had never been used. As you can see, they all loved it.

This is what Kati and I woke up to every morning, a little face peering back at us.

Gotcha! This little man wins the most determined to walk award. We have a hilarious video that I will post once I get better internet.

This is Katharina, the German volunteer who I've worked with. She just turned 22 while she was here. She says she can tell I'm German too (lol).

Meet the Princess of the clan. This little diva has quite a voice on her. But you can't help but love this face: )